Almost every village in a devout area such as Moravia would have had at least one large public
crucifix, almost always with Jesus shown bleeding from his head, hands, feet, and side. Thus,
the blood of Christ, and Christ as the Lamb of God, would have been familiar to Freud as a child.
Freud’s Response to the Loss of His NannyWhatever the reason, Freud’s nanny was dismissed. She suddenly disappeared, and there is no question that Freud felt abandoned by his nanny. The threat of abandonment was the theme of his “casket” or “cupboard” memory, in discussing which he related the function of “screen memories.” (“Screen memories” are consciously retrievable memories from childhood that rather frequently come to mind, and that cover, block, or screen a traumatic experience that occurred at the same time or slightly earlier.) If the woman disappeared so suddenly … some impression of the event must have been left inside me. Where is it now? Then a scene occurred to me which for the last twenty-nine years had been turning up from time to time in my conscious memory without my understanding it. I was crying my heart out, because my mother was nowhere to be found. My brother Philipp … opened a cupboard for me, and when I found that my mother was not there either I cried still more, until she came through the door, looking slim and beautiful. What can that mean? Why should my brother open the cupboard for me when he knew that my mother was not inside it and that opening it therefore could not quiet me? Now I suddenly understand. I must have begged him to open the cupboard. When I could not find my mother, I feared she must have vanished, like my nurse not long before. I must have heard that the old woman had been locked, or rather “boxed” up.97 Obviously, he was anxious and fearful over his nanny’s disappearance, a disappearance that he did not understand (he was, after all, only three years old). Even if he had understood, it would have made little difference to his feeling of great loss. Thus, the nanny, Freud’s functional mother during his crucial first three years — this woman who provided him with his “means of living and surviving” (or what Freud and many of his followers would call “ego-strength”); who gave him his first lessons in religion; whom he loved as only a young child can love; and to whom he may have given his money and toys — suddenly abandoned him at a most impressionable age. He heard that she had been locked up, but only much later did he understand that it was for stealing from him. In short, Freud’s earliest, most basic experience of religion was connected to his earliest emotional attachment: It was traumatic; it was Catholic; and, as we shall see, it was the source of great ambivalence. |